May Newsletter - New 6 week Online Course, Book Launch, Talking to Siblings....

Hello,

I was deeply saddened to hear of Joy Schaverien’s passing this week, following a stroke a few months ago. Her groundbreaking work on Boarding School Syndrome opened my eyes to the hidden impact of boarding, after attending her workshop in Brighton when her book was first released. This set me on a path of further learning alongside Nick Duffell and into this field of work.

What made Joy’s contribution so powerful was that, despite not being a boarder herself, she truly understood and gave voice to the emotional impact of boarding, challenging dismissive narratives around ‘privilege.’ I am profoundly grateful for her pioneering work and the personal support she offered.

Friday is the launch of "The Unmaking of Them", a powerful collection of clinical reflections from professionals working in the field of boarding school, edited by Nick Duffell. I’m honoured to have contributed a chapter entitled: Good for Girls? Co-educational Boarding Reviewed

My research draws on responses from many women who generously shared their experiences through a questionnaire, as well as insights from my personal journey and therapeutic work with clients.

I want to extend my heartfelt thanks to everyone who took the time to complete the questionnaire at the start of last year. Your courage in speaking up and using your voices has been invaluable. I am deeply grateful.

There is an online book launch of this book on June 16th and you can register here.

How to Talk to Siblings.

On an episode of Race Across the World on BBC 1 last week, two brothers in their 60s reflected on being separated as children. One was sent to boarding school, the other staying at home. Hearing the ex-boarder ask, “Did you miss me?” was a poignant reminder of how boarding school can divide siblings and the impact.

Even when siblings attend the same school, peer bonds often take priority for emotional survival, leaving family connections to fade. Without open conversations, this distance can grow, especially if a sibling later chooses to live abroad, further distancing themselves from family ties.

These conversations can be difficult. Often, one sibling holds onto the belief that “it never did me any harm,” making it hard to explore alternative perspectives. In these moments, patience is vital. What might feel like rejection is often a protective stance, part of a survival personality they’re not ready to question.

If you’re the only one in your family who sees things differently, try gently inviting reflection with open-ended questions like:
“I wonder how life might have been if we’d grown up together at home?”

A gentle curiosity can open doors where direct challenge might close them.

On Monday, June 16th, I’m launching a new 6-week online mixed gender Boarding School Awareness course. This is a gentle yet powerful opportunity to explore how boarding school may have influenced your life.

This group course runs for two hours on Monday evenings, with each week focusing on a different theme designed to help you reflect, connect, and gain valuable insights.

I understand that my longer 6-month in-depth course is a significant commitment, both in time and emotional investment. That’s why I’ve created this shorter, accessible introduction which is ideal for those who are curious to explore these themes but aren't yet ready for a deeper dive into individual therapy or longer commitments.

If you’ve ever wondered how your boarding school experience might still be shaping parts of your life — this is your chance to start that exploration in a safe, supportive space.

Click here to find out more and join us.

Recommendations

 Mummified - A play which focus's on the story of an 8 year old boy sent away to boarding school and how his life prevailed in showing as part of Brighton Fringe.  It is currently sold out but if you are in the area, there are free tickets should you wish to attend the dress rehearsal. 

I enjoyed the film, "A Real Pain," recently starring Kieren Culcin and Jesse Eisenberg in which we see the two main characters coping with grief and disconnection in very different ways. They each develop adaptive personalities to survive emotional pain. One becomes emotionally distant, using sarcasm and avoidance as armour, while the other tries to hold things together through control and caretaking. These are classic survival strategies, formed early in life, when emotional needs aren’t fully met.

This mirrors how many children adapt to the experience of boarding school. Faced with early separation from home and family, children often develop ‘survival personalities’ to manage feelings of abandonment, loneliness, and vulnerability. Some detach emotionally, becoming self-reliant or dismissive of feelings, while others over-adapt by pleasing, performing, or caretaking in order to feel safe and valued.

These adaptations may look like resilience from the outside, but they come at a personal cost, often cutting off access to deeper emotional needs. Like the characters in the film, many ex-boarders carry these patterns into adulthood, where they can impact relationships, identity, and emotional wellbeing until they are gently explored and understood.

Last week, I recorded a podcast episode with Chris Braitch from Seen & Heard, where I shared some of my own story and spoke about why it feels so important to give voice to women’s experiences of boarding school.

Click here to watch Podcast with Chris Braitch from Seen and Heard.

In a few weeks I am attending a day at my old school in which they are honoring and giving space to those who suffered from abuse during their time at the school.  It is not something I am relishing going to, but it feels important, especially and there is a Q&A with the headmaster so intend asking him some questions to assess his level of awareness about the impact of boarding and what is being done to counter it. 

Wishing you all a lovely month, as the sun is starting to come out to play in the UK.  I hope you can find some moments of joy.

Warm regards,

Amelia 

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